People Share ‘Red Flags’ They Ignored In Their Relationships That Turned Out to Be Very Toxic

Ah, gaslighting at its finest. Toxic people tend to think that all their ex-significant others were crazy, without realizing that they’re the ones who drove them crazy! Questioning someone’s sanity in order to win an argument is never okay, and more often than not – it’s a red flag.

If you’re in an argument with a toxic person and they call you “crazy,” that probably just means that you’ve figured them out and they don’t want you to know it.

No one should ever have to ask their significant other’s permission in order to spend time with other people. We wonder if the OP’s partner would ask her permission before talking to his friends? Something tells us that the answer to that is “no.”

At the end of the day, a relationship is supposed to be between equals, meaning neither person is in a position to give the other permission for anything. Advice? Recommendations? Thoughts? Sure! Permission? No!

Many of us have experienced the roller coaster of an inconsistent partner. Relationships like that tend to be hot and cold, your partner may lovebomb you one day and totally ice you out the next.

The idea is that they want to give you enough hope that you won’t leave, but create enough doubt that they can call you “crazy” if you ask for a commitment. Of course, once you decide you want to get off that roller coaster, they’ll label you as the bad guy.

We’re all for asking your partner to own up to their mistakes, but it has to be a two-way street. If one person acts like they’re little Miss/Mr perfect and simply putting up with their significant other’s mistakes, then it’s time to realize — that relationship is the real mistake!

Truthfully, in most couples’ fights, both people should apologize because — in a healthy relationship — you’d be sorry that you’re fighting at all. So, if a simple apology will fix things with the person you love, you’ll do it.

Some people do struggle with their own happiness and it has nothing at all to do with anyone else. However, if you’re not typically that kind of person and you feel yourself suddenly feeling down all the time, it may be worth asking if there’s someone who’s making you feel like that.

It may not even be their fault! Some people just don’t pair well together, and it says nothing about them as individuals. Either way, this is a sign that it’s time to move on.

Your significant other should make you feel beautiful, even on your worst days! We all have enough insecurities as it is, thanks to society’s ridiculous beauty standards. The last thing we need is the person we love to tell us to change our appearances — we have the media for that!

While on the subject of things that we “should” change, how about the OP’s ex changes his personality? Now, that’s something that could really use a makeover!

There are some couples who like to appreciate a beautiful person together, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it really only works if both people in the relationship are okay with that dynamic, and it sounds here like that was most definitely not the case!

Either way, pointing out every single attractive person sounds pretty exhausting. Sometimes, it’s okay to just think something and not say it aloud. Especially, if that thought can make your partner feel some kind of way…

It’s pretty typical for a toxic person to want their partner to cut off all other ties, except for the unhealthy relationship. That way, they’re less inclined to leave because they don’t have where to go or who to go to.

The OP saying that she felt “isolated to only the relationship” pretty much sums it up, as that seems to have been her then-boyfriend’s goal. Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling isolated in your relationship, that’s a pretty good sign that it might be time to leave.

It sounds like the OP’s ex lacked some self-awareness in regards to her anger issues. Even then, it was a strange choice for her to get upset with her partner for walking on eggshells, despite her belief that it was unnecessary.

That would have been the perfect moment for her to self-reflect and ask herself why her boyfriend was so careful around her. Well, we guess her inability to do that pretty much sums up the problem, doesn’t it?

If this guy had put in as much effort towards the actual relationship as he does into gaslighting, he might still have a girlfriend. It takes a lot of effort to convince someone that they’re crazy and everything they believe isn’t true.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just compromise every once in a while? We imagine that this is the type of guy who’d say something like, “It’s my way or the highway!” We guess the OP chose the highway, and we don’t blame her!

It sounds like this guy was doing some serious projecting! Of course, he was paranoid about her cheating, because that’s exactly what he doing!

This is a good lesson for life in general — not just in romantic relationships — if someone seems inexplicably worried about something, it may be because they themselves are guilty of it. Or, they may just be an extremely jealous person with trust issues. Honestly, both are red flags, so do we really care which flag it is?

What good are the words “I’m sorry” without any real effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again? At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words, and an apology is only worth something if it’s followed by a genuine change.

Empty apologies may work in the short term to end an argument but it always becomes clear when the person is insincere. There are only so many times that someone can hear “I’m sorry” before they walk away, and it looks like the OP reached their limit.

We’ve heard women say that a guy was exceptionally nice because he didn’t pressure them into intimacy before they were ready. To clarify — the bar is so low that men get points for not forcing a woman into physical relations, and still, there are those who can’t measure up!

This guy literally admitted that he can’t reach the OP’s standards, which doesn’t mean that she should change her standards. It just means that she should find someone else who’s good enough.

It sounds like this guy has acquired the trifecta of toxicity — guilt trips, avoiding responsibility for his actions, and manipulation. What a prize!

People who are that particular brand of toxic tend to be very charismatic and excellent at manipulating people. Therefore, we really can’t blame the OP for falling into her ex’s expertly-crafted trap. We’re just glad that she managed to see him for what he is and get out of there!

We understand needing a bit of space when you’re upset with someone but straight-up icing them out for days at a time is unacceptable. Not only does the silent treatment never solve anything but it’s also emotionally manipulative to talk warmly to everyone except your partner.

Especially if she’d ask him what’s wrong and he’d say everything was fine. If he wants silence so badly, he can have it, since his girlfriend is long gone by now!

There are plenty of people who would feel empathy for anyone who’s crying — even a complete stranger. Therefore, it’s pretty reasonable to expect someone who claims they love you to be concerned when you’re upset, even if you’re in the middle of an argument.

It’s clear that this guy didn’t love the OP, which says nothing about her and everything about him, seeing as how they were in a relationship together. If your significant other doesn’t wipe your tears, then go and find someone who will!

It’s always good to think before speaking, especially when you need to tackle a delicate subject with your partner. That being said, feeling like you need to rehearse your words because of fear is a definite warning sign.

No one can be expected to always voice their thoughts perfectly in a long-term relationship. Can you imagine practicing every single interaction with your partner, even 10 years into the relationship? No thanks, we’d rather be single and just talk to ourselves!

A healthy relationship will leave you feeling like it’s the two of you against the world — even if the world isn’t necessarily after you. However, the OP’s relationship sounds like it was him against… his girlfriend.

Rather than being on the OP’s team, this woman chose to side with literally everyone else. We’re all for disagreeing with one’s partner and calling them out when they’re wrong, but there’s a way to do it without making them feel alienated and alone.

We appreciate that woman for reaching out to the OP in order to warn her that her man was cheating. It’s a shame that the OP didn’t listen but we can’t say that we blame her.

After all, she thought she knew her boyfriend well, she trusted him, and the woman who messaged her was a (seemingly) random person. Let this be a lesson to all of us, though — when women try to support other women, let them.

While some people believe that a feeling of butterflies in your stomach means you’re falling in love, others see that sensation as a warning sign that your gut knows something is wrong.

Many psychologists argue that love should feel comfortable and safe — not nervous or overly excited. Whichever belief you prescribe to, it’s worth asking yourself why you get that fluttery feeling when your partner’s around and how it makes you feel from an emotional standpoint.

It sounds like this guy love-bombed the OP, which is pretty typical behavior of a toxic person. Love-bombing is showing extravagant displays of affection, way beyond what’s typical at the beginning of a relationship, in the hopes of getting the other person to commit.

Of course, once the relationship is solid, the love-bomber tends to become distant, manipulative, or straight-up cruel. Basically, anytime someone is just a little too into you, it’s a red flag.

It’s pretty typical of toxic people to want to be their partner’s “everything.” No, we’re not talking about being their everything in the sense of being their best friend, confidant, and lover.

We mean the type of person who wants someone else’s world to revolve around them and to be completely dependent on them. If your partner is trying to insert themselves into every aspect of your life, and distance you from your loved ones, then it’s time to run… fast!

It sounds like the OP’s ex just couldn’t handle not being the center of attention. He may have also been somewhat jealous of the OP’s support system and successes.

It appears that he was intent on making sure that she’d think about him even when it was supposed to be her moment. Now, that’s insecurity at its finest! A good partner will always be happy for you and cheer you on — even if that means standing on the sidelines.

Our instincts tend to have all the answers. Even if we can’t put our finger on exactly why we feel a certain way, we shouldn’t ignore our intuition. The question the OP was asking herself is one that we hope was never answered.

No matter how angry or upset a person is, they should always make it clear that those emotions will never be projected onto their partner in a physical way. In this particular situation, when in doubt — leave.

Romantic partners are supposed to be equals, which means that neither one is in a position to “teach the other a lesson” or discipline them in any way.

It’s totally fair to request an apology from a partner who’s hurt you or explain to them why what they did was wrong, but that’s very different from trying to punish them. We’d say that the only lesson learned here is the lesson of when to leave!

Clearly, the OP should have predicted the future, known she would’ve met this guy, and told anyone who slid into her DM’s that it was a no-go because her future husband was on the way. Sure, that’s a reasonable expectation for her ex to have of her!

Furthermore, are we really meant to believe that this guy had never spoken to any women before meeting his girlfriend? Does he not have any history, whatsoever? He’s either a hypocrite or a virgin — or both.

Your partner should make you feel beautiful, even when you’re not necessarily looking your best. They certainly shouldn’t be pointing out your flaws, just in case you missed one!

Not letting the OP finish a sentence is also a red flag — especially if this was while she was trying to open up, emotionally. Your partner should want to hear what you have to say, particularly when it comes to your feelings about the relationship.

A romantic partner should always make you feel good about yourself, or at the very least, they should try. Of course, not every single moment can be all compliments and flowers but if you find yourself with low self-esteem due to your partner, that’s a huge warning sign.

People go into relationships with the hopes of being lifted up — not dragged down. After all, if your significant other can’t see how amazing you are, then why are they with you in the first place?

This “You hate me?” line is a pretty toxic way to deflect from actually talking about the issue. While bringing up relationship problems can be unpleasant, it’s a necessity for any healthy couple.

A partner who is unwilling to talk openly, and maturely, about uncomfortable subjects is a partner who simply isn’t ready for a relationship. Especially if they’re going to put their significant other on the defensive by claiming they hate them when the person simply wants to talk.

Toxic people tend to be pretty good at knowing when their partner has had enough and is getting ready to leave. That’s when that person may start love-bombing, guilt-tripping, or in this case, giving false hope.

They’ll promise you the world but deliver absolutely nothing. This cycle of stringing you along will go on until you stop it and not a moment sooner. Unfortunately, these types of relationships don’t really end in “I do.”

It’s unclear who was the toxic one between these two people. In fact, it may very well be both of them — or neither! Maybe the relationship itself was toxic, despite consisting of two well-meaning individuals.

Was the OP being possessive and displaying trust issues? Or was her ex behaving in such a way that would make her suspicious of his actions? Either way, it sounds like that relationship ending was best for both of them.

It’s completely fair for the OP’s ex to have other priorities but he should’ve probably been clearer with her that he wasn’t emotionally available for a serious relationship. It seems like she wanted something serious while he wanted a casual fling.

Both of those are completely legitimate, it’s just a shame that they didn’t communicate their expectations before getting involved with one another. At least now, they’ll each have more time to find what they’re looking for!

We’ve all reached a point in life, whether it be in regards to a relationship or something else when we ask ourselves, “But will it really get better?” We’re conditioned to stick with things, even during the tough times, as quitting isn’t seen as an answer.

While that’s a perfectly healthy way to approach some things, sometimes, quitting is exactly what you should do! Especially if it’s a toxic relationship that doesn’t seem to be getting better any time soon.

This guy has reached the top-tier of toxicity, as he emotionally manipulated the OP into staying with him. Let’s be clear — no individual is a rehabilitation center for a broken partner.

No one is under any obligation to stay in a toxic relationship for the sake of the other person’s mental health. We hope that this man dealt with his issues and is doing better now. Either way, though, he’s not the OP’s responsibility.

A partner who truly loves and cares about their significant other would want them to participate in intimacy in an enthusiastic way — not because of a guilt trip.

If the OP wasn’t very interested in being intimate with this guy, it was probably because he was nagging her all the time! Maybe he should have put that energy into seducing her and getting her in the mood, rather than expecting her to magically be ready for him. Just saying…

This guy has managed to display two red flags, simultaneously! He loved-bombed the OP and he called her crazy! Well, it’s nice of him to expose all of his red flags at once, so we don’t have to wait around in anticipation of another one.

We think that the OP’s question was beyond reasonable. Even if it wasn’t, he didn’t have to be cruel about it. Furthermore, something tells us that if this guy saw the OP with another man, he wouldn’t be too happy about it…

When an ex tells you that you’ll never find anyone else like them, just respond, “That’s the point!” If they were so great, you wouldn’t have broken up with them. Obviously, the idea is to find someone very, very different.

Also, how would this guy know whether or not the OP would be able to find love with someone else? Someone fell for his toxicity, didn’t they? Clearly, there’s someone for everyone — even that guy.

It’s one thing to be a bit of a control freak, but it’s another thing entirely to act as a dictator over someone else’s life. This guy sounds like he was acting as the father of a teenager, rather than a boyfriend in a relationship.

It’s clear that he wanted to trap the OP by taking away her support system and financial independence. As for picking out her clothes, we don’t even want to know what he made that poor woman wear…

A healthy relationship has some give and take but it has to come from both sides. It sounds like this woman wanted some free help rather than a partner. If she wasn’t willing to contribute a bit more, then she should have at least demanded less.

Truthfully, if we made someone a meal and then they peaced out to talk to someone else — with the food we gave them — we’d probably just throw it away. The person and the food!

Good on the OP for understanding that she was the problem, and doing the necessary work to change! A healthy relationship involves the partners growing together and encouraging one another to achieve their goals.

Imagine being in a long-term relationship and just standing still the whole time — never working on your personal development or goals and never moving forward in life. Rather than being scared of your partner outgrowing you, simply grow with them, and you can celebrate each other’s achievements!

Unfortunately, there are some people who refuse to take responsibility for anything and they always seem to be victims of the universe. Anytime someone insists that their life is awful but nothing ever seems to be their fault — you should have some questions.

Let us guess — the OP broke up with him for absolutely no reason, right? He was a perfect stand-up guy, and one day, she just up and left. Yeeeeeaaaah… probably not.

If all this woman was interested in was this guy’s money, there are certain consensual arrangements for those types of relationships and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

However, there’s something wrong with pretending to be in a loving relationship with someone when you’re really just after their cash. Of course, there are always two sides to every story, but we don’t really like paying for a fancy dinner in order to hear hers.

This guy is either extremely conceited, didn’t care about the OP at all, or has very poor social skills. Either way, it’s pretty clear that it wasn’t going to work out between them. We’re actually almost impressed, in a very sad way.

It has to be a lot of work to not let someone finish one single sentence! This dude must have really been on his game, constantly thinking of things to say…

Calling someone “too sensitive” when they say you’ve hurt their feelings is pretty much the same as insisting they’re “crazy” when they don’t want to put up with your toxic behavior.

It’s very rarely true that the person is being sensitive — usually, the partner is being a jerk and simply doesn’t want to own up to it. Even if the OP was sensitive (which we doubt is the case), then why wouldn’t her significant other want to respect those sensitivities?

Imagine not being able to speak freely in your relationship? Or being constantly afraid of setting your partner off? Yeah, no thanks — we’d rather be alone. Being sensitive to another’s feelings is one thing but being scared to talk to them is a whole different story.

Even if you do slip up and say something you shouldn’t have to your partner, you shouldn’t have to feel scared of how they’ll react. Pretty much any time you’re legit afraid of your partner, that’s the brightest of red flags.